When I first started this blog I really wanted it to be about women’s sexuality. I just want us to feel good. I’ve had a hell of a week, with one crappy thing after another happening. Now, my husband and son are still healthy and happy so for that I’m glad. And this morning I was thinking about how hard it is for women today to feel like goddesses.
We are constantly assaulted with messages that we are not ____ enough. Not good enough, not naughty enough, not thin enough, not young enough, not happy enough, not organized enough, not keeping our homes clean enough, not doing enough for our children. Many of my negative messages, now as an adult, come from within. But there is also plenty of enforcement from outside too.
This week I was at a networking event for women. As I mentioned I am in my bio I am curvilicous. I say that because fat has so many negative connotations. I am currently in the process of getting insurance approval for lap band surgery. It’s a grueling thing-coming to terms with my own appetite and the fact that I’m not going to get the physical freedom that I want without the help of surgery. So anyway, back to the luncheon. I plunk myself down at a table hoping the Universe/Goddess will guide me to a table with the right people that will help grow my business. Or at least be nice. A lady sits down next to me and says that she is a weight loss consultant. I immediately feel certain that she chose to sit next to me in order to get me as a client. Yuch. I felt singled out at the table. Then, to make matters worse, everyone started talking about how awful they felt about themselves.
In retrospect, I could have asked that every woman at the table say something about herself that she loved, but instead, I just asked for us to talk about something else since we were trying to eat lunch.
I spend so much time feeling bad about myself and I don’t know how to change that. I know that when I am feeling more Goddess-y I feel good. But getting there from life can be hard a lot of the time.
Tonight, I get together with my Goddess Circle for our first meeting. A group of women who will do spiritual work together once a month. I am so angry at the Divine right now and myself. How to forgive truly and be in a place of gratitude? I don’t know yet.
I do know that if every woman felt like a Goddess the world would be a better and kinder place. So I pray for me and all of us, Goddess, help us feel like Goddesses! Thank you!