The bittersweet times make us feel the beauty of life. We are not victims-it is hard to stand by that.
I have felt more like a business woman lately-but not so much like a Goddess. I feel that my hubby wants me to lock my sexual self up in our bedroom and I want to release her to the world. Am I fulfilling a prophecy-dooming myself to suburban secrecy or am I just doing what I need to so that my family can be close and then my wild self will emerge when things are safer-when my darling son is grown and my hubby is more settled in his power.
He is so incredibly powerful. He just doesn’t know how to encompass it yet.
Blessings on us-I suppose one could say that of me too.
My baby boy-not really a baby-6 already-he is a beacon of light-an explosion.
Thank you Goddess for this life.
I just wanted to update everyone. I’ve been busy. I am beginning work on the book, Goddessness which is all about how to feel like a Goddess in the modern world. It’s really important to me that I write it while I’m still fat/obese/curvy because I don’t want it to look like I just lost weight and then felt like a Goddess. I am feeling better in lots of ways but still feel sexy and successful at 300+. Feeling like a Goddess is not a body size and I feel that if I write the book after I’m a small size that message will be less powerful.
We’ve also adopted two kittens into our home, so now we have 5. 2 lucky males and 3 Goddessy females. One of the things that I love about the cats is how they just have an innate sense that they are worthy of worship. They are warm, affectionate and very independent. I will post pix shortly.
Also, in a more mundane sense, I am adapting to the summer life. My 6 year old son didn’t like his summer camp so we’ve adapted to a three day a week work week for me, with him at his grandpa’s and a local babysitter for those days and me off two days a week. I still end up working most weekends but love the extra time with him and at the pool. I am a water Goddess I guess.
I would love to hear your comments about the book, about how you feel like a Goddess, what your challenges are and if you have any suggestions for the “subtitle”. Goddessness: ???
Goddess love to all!
Today, I had the honor of accompanying my son on a school field trip as chaperone. I sat in the school bus and suddenly felt about 8 years old. Dorky, fat, out of place, social outcast, wrong. I didn’t want to sit up front, that is where the geeks sat (I should know) and in the back is where the cool kids sat and they bounce around a lot. I decided to play it safe and sit in the middle. Of course, nothing but a bunch of kindergardeners having fun was happening on the bus-the rest was dusty memories coming out. I got motion sick so to avoid puking, I had to sit up front. How mortifying. Right behind the bus driver. Oh well-time to act like a grown up and pretend I didn’t care.
And then I observed something really funny-there is a kit, right next to the first aid kit, called the, “Body fluid cleanup kit”. I guess I’m not the only one who might puke-or get rid of other body fluids. The laughter broke the spell and I felt like me again and now I feel sad for the little girl who was so miserable and happy that I have come so far.
Thanx to my inner and outer Goddess for getting me here.
My son is turning 6 tomorrow. Right now it seems sad. I remember when he was a baby and I could see the toddler in him, and then a toddler and I saw the boy in him. Now a boy and I already begin to see the man in him. I am proud of who he is and who he is becoming and I miss the baby he was.
Sometimes biology is a bitch.
I’m not ready to have another baby but all the urges are in place to make sure that I feel 100% certain that another baby is what I need right NOW!
BTW-Every woman/goddess/sister should read the book: Forget Perfect by Lisa Earle McLeod. It is a breath of fresh air with wonderful and enjoyable lessons for women on how to just be happy and stop trying to be perfect. She says, “To Err Is Human, To Laugh About It Divine.”
I can’t find the exact quote but Anita Diamante in Pitching My Tent, said something like…Every day I watch my child grow a little farther away from me.
So sad, so joyful, so true.
Tonight hubby called and I could hear a screaming child in the background. I paniced. Then I realized that he would have told me if he was on his way to the ER.
Then I was thinking, how going to the ER (for something non life threatening) is a kind of relief. For however long you’re there, nothing else matters. How much sleep we are all getting, how much credit card debt we have, how we’re going to pay all the bills this month, how fat I am, what I ate today, how nice the house looks. None of this matters, for just a little while. I want that. Not the ER visit, but the nothing else matters.
I told my hubby that we have been too involved in the rat race lately. We need to go to church. This is hard for us as he is Catholic and I am Pagan/Jewish/Universalist/Non-Christian.
So I just want to get to that place of such gratitude for my life and the lives of my loved ones that nothing else matters.