I feel like my Goddess identity has been a bit squashed. She does not know how to communicate her message to the world. She wants to tell women that the process of learning to love themselves is a sexual one first. Then it’s about trust. Then it’s about respect. Then it’s about boundaries (with the self first) and finally it is one of spreading the word.
As annoying as those Jehovah’s Witnesses are-they are willing to spread the word of their faith in a world where many do not want to hear. As a goddess lover I feel the need to hide. I will come out of hiding.
Do you masturbate? Do you enjoy sex with a partner? Start there. Those who believe that it is wrong or not necessary are denying a gift that Goddess gave us. Would you say no to a calorie free and healthy cake at a party? If it was the best cake in the universe and would only help you or at least leave you no worse off than you already are? No. Well orgasms are like that. Free-no calories-they do not hurt anyone. This gift was given to us to help us cope with the rest of reality! Use it!!!
One of my great inspirations was Trudy Griswold who wrote the book Angelspeake. I had the privilege of working for her briefly and learned so much from her. Over the years I have channeled angels for myself and others and never would have done this is not for my time with her. I encourage all to read her book. I just went to catch up with her on her website and found that her dearly beloved sister has passed. So sad. It is part of life but still feels very full of fear and grief.
My writing tonight:
Me: I feel devoid of inspiration-devoid of motivation-devoid of creativity. I don’t know where to funnel my spirit/erotic self-am I an author or a narcissist?
The Angels: We bless and love you and want you to know that we are here for you that we are with you and want you to love yourself for always.
We want you to know that you’re living the life that you wanted that you love and that you deserve. It will get better-we ask you simply to pray every day and night for you to live out your purpose. We know that you do not want to do whatever-if giving up your husband or son were the price-never fear it is not. We bless and love you and want you to know that we are not about removing your joys but enhancing them. Take this time to pray. Get on your hands and knees and ask for guidance, purpose, and commitment. That is all. We bless and love you always.
I find it seriously annoying that the big message out there for feeling like a goddess is a razor for women. I do not even want to mention the name as I do not want to give them any accidental advertising. URGH! Also that the only show that teaches women how to love their bodies is hosted by a gay man! It’s a great show but please??? Can’t we do better than this?
We all see those glossy pictures, read the sweet stories. Ugly before, beautiful after. Poor before, rich after. Single before, married after.
It’s all a myth. The only real before is before we are born and the only real after if death. That’s it. Lots of people think those aren’t real befores and afters either.
Our whole life is during. That’s it. Whatever is happening, in and out-it’s all a process.
It’s hard to let go of the myth of before and after. Despite feeling like every day is a before picture, I just want to believe that it will all be worth it for the after picture. But life isn’t like that-except in retrospect. It’s all just a big during.
Goddesses are multi faceted. We have many aspects. We are not able to be summed up in a 30 second elevator pitch. Who am I?
- HAP (Healthy Active Person)
- Small Business Owner
- Teaching women to be self employed
Who are you? I want to hear. I want to begin to hear. I could listen for a lifetime and not know.
Why do we designate ourselves as goddesses? Because we deserve to worship ourselves. We deserve to give ourselves the same type of love and faith and forgiveness and ATTENTION that we give to God. No warring for ourselves please just courageously fighting for our divinity.
The stomach bug is no lady bug. Instead-she is a total blood sucking dung beetle who drags you up 20 flights of stairs to the penthouse and pushes you over the balcony railing. She then rushes down to the bottom floor and when you smack the pavement she starts to nibble on your gooey remains.
The benefit of spending Valentine’s Day dry heaving into a bucket is that when I was feeling better (yes-despite my initial misgivings-I eventually did feel better) my candy was 1/2 off. Hubby and I are so sick of being in debt and not having the life we want that we have radically changed our perspective on spending. He bragged about the deal and I ooed and ahhed at his shopping prowess.
I have begun to write a book. I have purchased The Artist’s Way. I spent an hour looking through spell books at The Phoenix and The Dragon and I went through my closet. I got rid of everything that I hate and that has spots on it. I also got rid of the things that don’t flatter me. I still have small clothes but only the ones that I’m actually looking forward to fitting in to.
I am re-embracing my inner witch. She is growing more powerful by the moment as I integrate my selves and willingly go through the growing pains of cocoonhood and emergence. I am a butterfly. I am going to emerge. I have emerged.
About 1 year ago, I learned of a type of weight loss surgery called Lap Band. After struggling with my weight, literally since I was 5 I felt relieved. Little did I know what I would have to go through to get the surgery-to deal with my health and my life.
It was all wrapped up in Goddess-because I dedicated myself to Her (Substitute your divine source here) and now I realize that maybe in my dedication I did not realize that Goddess’ first job for me would be to heal myself. To purge my life of negative people and to achieve career success. To finally deal with the baggage that I had literally and figuratively been dragging around with me my whole life.
So, in a nutshell, over the last year, I have been sicker than I have ever been, broke up with my best friend, not gotten insurance approval for my surgery, gained more weight, had the most difficult time in my marriage, lost the feeling of control over my life and wished for peace-not knowing if this could be achieved while alive-I wondered. I could never end things, my son loves me too much. But, the thought entered my mind more this year than any since I was 14-the worst year of my life.
This has also been the year when I ended a toxic relationship (best friend), saw my business do very well after that happened, committed to discovering my life path for myself-not what others want for me, found out that I have adrenal fatigue (found a great doctor), healed my marriage and made it stronger than ever, made new healthy adult friendships, discovered the wonder of some old friendships that I had neglected, have committed to having the surgery even if we must take a second mortgage on our house to pay for it.
I suppose this was the year that I hit rock bottom-that I saw that I must pick myself up by my bootstraps over and over again to achieve my dreams. I declared that my dream is NOT to obsess about food-if surgery will make that happen then it’s ok. It’s ok that my will power, soul clogging anger and guilt may not be totally healed or released-it’s ok for me to be a struggling human and still have my dreams come true.